vortex of unease

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Recently I messed up. No one was hurt. I could have been hurt. But my actions drew unwanted attention to myself and my mistake. That night, I couldn't fall asleep. I woke up early and could not get back to sleep. My mind playing over and over the event. What would this mean to those who had witnessed it? How I may be being perceived was stressful. 
This is anxiety. These worries are things I cannot control. Sure I can do a number of other things in the presence of these witnesses to attempt to change what they may be thinking... but they will always think what they choose to think regardless of my desire. I cannot go back in time and change the event. This then creates a loop that can build on intensity or even just continue to spin in unease. 

TRICKS TO BREAK THIS CYCLE:
First, speak the shame. Address the thought that is creating the shameful thinking. "Now everyone knows how inexperienced or how stupid I am."
Second, work with the thoughts and attempt to change the FEAR BASED thoughts that are creating the sense of shame. This is done by challenging the thought. Can you truly know that everyone now knows, believes you are stupid? Of course you cannot know what people think. Can you absolutely know you are stupid? If you are reflective in an authentic way, you will probably remember times when you did not do stupid things... in fact perhaps you did smart things. The questions created by Byron Katie in her process called The Work are helpful to this intervention.

Sometimes we are not even aware of what our thoughts are. We just have the physical symptoms of anxiety. Our heart is racing a bit. We feel a sense of agitation or anger. Or we may just become lethargic and not want to get out of bed and see people. Elevated heart rate, a desire to move quickly, or a desire to drink, eat, move away. Chest breathing. Twitches of the body. These can be signs of anxiety. Interventions here can include making ourselves breath differently. Sounds easy, but in case of high anxiety can be difficult. Box breathing is one recommended method. In for four counts. Hold for four counts. Exhale four counts and hold the breath out for four counts. Or extending exhale. In for four counts and out for up to eight counts. These breathing choices activate the parasympathetic nervous system and increase relaxation in the body.

You could argue that alcohol and/or eating will activate the parasympathetic nervous system, since this is the system that supports digestion. However, alcohol and food can cause a disruption in our ability to sleep properly. Alcohol has a tendency to cause wakefulness through the night. Too much food in the belly denies us REM cycles of sleep. Without sleep, the body cannot manage all that cortisol in the body and return to homeostasis. Thus you are now more prone to experience the stress response, elevated sympathetic nervous system response. This keeps you in the spin cycle in the diagram above.

If breathing is challenging, start with something easier... moving the body.  Get out in nature and enjoy the beauty of nature increases the secretion of endorphins. The hike, or a a yoga practice, without the intention to better your performance will create some attention to the task and take you out of the thinking that is causing the stress. A little climbing with people who make you laugh will activate a balance in the parasympathetic and sympathetic symptom. With your mind off the problem and your body more balanced, it is makes it easier to opt for the breathing patterns suggested about. 

For many of us, once we can breathe, we can return to curiosity about the thoughts.
Will this situation matter in five years? Often, not really.
So is it really worth worrying about? No. But that realization doesn't stop the body from it's cycle of response.
What I can do RIGHT NOW is choose the activities that will support reducing the sympathetic nervous system response. The only thing in my control is that choice... what step do I want to take right now... in this moment that will support breaking that cycle? For me, I have tried enough to know, alcohol and food produce guilt and more self-criticism - so not helpful. For me, nature and movement, laughter heal my anxiety. 
 What's your go to for breaking the cycle?